Chapter 7

A Muslim Life

Chapter Summary

Birth – contraception – abortion – in vitro fertilization – naming – circumcision – education – memorization of the Qur'an – adolescence – sport – music –alcohol – gambling – universities – job selection – marriage – partner selection – marriage ceremonies – polygamy – exclusivity of marriage – divorce – adultery – remarriage – child custody – family life – the extended family – women's rights and duties – the four 'perfect women' – inheritance – food laws – slaughter of animals – alcohol – food additives – eating with right hand – mealtime etiquette – sickness – transplants – suicide – egg/sperm donation – homosexuality – death – as death approaches – preparation of the body – autopsy – burial – funeral prayers – graves – mourning.

Birth: The birth of any child brings rejoicing in a Muslim family. Infanticide is forbidden by the Qur'an (Q. 16.57–59; 81.8–9). The call to prayer is whispered in the baby's ear as soon as it is washed and clothed. Contraception is allowed, but only to space children or limit family size. Abortion is allowed but strongly discouraged. A child is named within the first ten days, most often with a traditional name. At the naming ceremony ('aqiqa), the child's head is shaved and animals are sacrificed. The mother takes a ritual bath (ghusl) forty days after the birth. After Ibrahim, the prophets circumcised boys; the practice (known as khitan) is followed in Islam. Khitan is required for all men who go on hajj. Some Muslim societies practice female circumcision (or FGM), though this is a controversial practice even among Muslims.

Education and Childhood: Many children are taught pious phrases very early on and are taught to read through being exposed to the Qur'an. Training in the Arabic Qur'an is common in even non-Arabic speaking countries. This training begins at home and is continued at an Islamic school (madrasa). Teachers are not only sources of knowledge but examples for action. The memorization of the Qur'an is a special goal of many Muslims. The hafiz (male) or hafizah (female) are respected since they carry the Qur'an in their hearts. The science of Qur'an recitation is called tajwid.

Into Adulthood: At puberty, Muslims take on adult responsibilities regarding their faith and life. Concerns for modesty begin to dominate gender relations. Modest clothing is required for all after puberty (often including head-coverings for young women). Music (enjoyed by most young adults!) is of concern to some Muslims. Alcohol and other intoxicants are strictly forbidden (Q. 5.90), along with gambling. Muslims value education informed by Islamic values. The centrality of faith continues in career choices. Jobs that lead to immorality or exploitation of others are prohibited, while professions that embody the principle of sadaqa are encouraged.

Marriage: For Muslims, marriage is a communal concern. While asceticism is sometimes tolerated, celibacy is not given primacy. While the couple to be married has the final say, families are often very involved in finding mates. This level of family involvement has caused some tensions for Muslims in the West. Although the Qur'an limits marriage possibilities (Q. 4.23), first cousins are allowed to marry, according to Muhammad's own practice. Certain factors, like being a sayyid or sharif, can strengthen a partner's attractiveness to a family, but color, ethnicity and caste are not important boundaries. A potential partner's faithfulness as a Muslim, not romantic love, is the most important criterion.

The marriage is based on a legal contract, with negotiated clauses. The ceremony may or may not take place in a mosque, and a religious official may or may not be present. Two witnesses must hear the verbal consent of both partners and the signing of the contract. The couple does not have to be physically present in the same space. The dowry (mahr) given to the bride is a central aspect of Islamic marriage. The mahr becomes the legal property of the bride. One school of Shi'a Islam allows for temporary marriages (mut'a). The Qur'an allows a man to marry up to four wives, provided they are treated equally (Q. 4.3), though this is difficult (Q. 4.129). Polygamy is more prevalent in certain regions than others, and some conditions make polygamy a reasonable option. Most Muslim marriages around the world are monogamous.

Marriage is the only legitimate context for sexual relations. The husband and wife protect each other's honor and to dress modestly, deflecting unwanted attention. Only the husbands and wives see their spouses' intimate parts. Women cover their 'awra (allurements) and cover their bodies with hijab. Both women and men practice modesty of dress.

Divorce: Families are involved in efforts to save failing marriages. If no reconciliation is possible, divorce is permitted (Q. 2.227–237). If one or both parties wishes to end the marriage, they can do so. The traditional three-fold declaration of divorce is called talaq. The Qur'an specifically allows divorce in the case of adultery (Q. 24.6–9). A divorced woman is encouraged to remarry. Along with support for children, a woman is entitled to her former husband's support until weaning their child.

Family Life: Family responsibilities and commitment to the greater community are central to Islamic life. Husbands and wives, for instance, often have special roles as in-laws. The community is understood to reach beyond the extended family to the entire umma. Muslims often rely on their extended families for help in difficult times, and are ready to return the help. The mahram provides a safe space for proper social mixing.

Women have many rights in Islam, beginning with responsibility to live a faithful Muslim life (Q. 33.35). These rights include property ownership and education. A female spouse's primary duty is to be open to bearing and nursing children. Provision is made in the Qur'an for husbands to punish their wives, but the context is less severe than many assume. The wives of Muhammad are known as the "Mothers of the Believers" (Q. 33.6), and Islamic tradition speaks of four "perfect women" who are models for women's lives.

Four types of food are haram (forbidden) for Muslims: carrion, blood, pork, and food sacrificed to idols (Q. 2.173). Muslims have halal methods for slaughtering halal animals; they are critical of western practices. All vegetables are halal. Alcohol is forbidden. Processed foods can contain many haram ingredients. The right hand is preferred for many aspects of life, including eating and interpersonal exchanges. Muslims have embraced medicine to treat sickness. Even haram food could be eaten to preserve a life (Q. 5.3). Our lives do not belong to us but to God, and suicide is thus forbidden (Q. 4.29). The Qur'an (Q. 4.16; 7.80–84) specifically forbids male homosexual acts.

Death: Death is understood as a part of human life, an event not to be excessively grieved. A dying person is positioned facing the Ka'ba in Makka and the shahada repeated along with Qur'an passages (esp. Q. 36). Burial occurs quickly, with preparations respecting the dignity of the body. A man who has made Hajj is often buried in his ihram. Martyrs receive different treatment than normal deaths. Funerals are held either at home or in a mosque, with the salat al-janaza (funeral prayers) led by a senior man. A fard kifaya represents the greater community. Bodies are buried in the ground (cremation is not an option), and the head of the deceased is positioned toward the Ka'ba. Prayers are offered at the grave, often with a Qur'an recitation. As it is believed that the first night in the grave is the most difficult time of barzakh, men will often spend the night at the graveside. Widows remain in a mourning period for four months and ten days, after which she returns to normal life and may marry again.

Key Names, Terms, and Concepts

  • nasab
  • kunya
  • 'aqiqa
  • khitan
  • madrasa
  • hafiz / hafizah
  • tajwid
  • sayyid
  • sharif
  • nikah
  • mahr
  • mut'a
  • 'awra
  • hijab
  • talaq
  • 'idda
  • umma
  • mahram
  • nushuz
  • halal
  • haram
  • salat al-janaza
  • fard kifaya

Questions for Discussion and Reflection

  1. Describe the different ways naming is approach in Islamic traditions.
  2. What are the conditions for a "temporary marriage"?
  3. Using the norms of Muslim life, how might you charitably explain to a westerner why Islam permits a man to marry more than one woman?
  4. Describe the role of extended families in traditional Islamic. Compare this description to contemporary western society.
  5. One might view the life a young Muslim as constrained by many religious prohibitions. How does the chapter's description of Muslim life compare to your own young adulthood?
  6. The chapter noted many instances in which traditional Muslim commitments come into tension with the contours of Western life. What accounts for these tensions? How might you help ease these tensions for a Muslim friend?

For Further Reading

Books

  • Donna Lee Bowen and Evelyn A. Early, eds., Everyday Life in the Muslim Middle East, second ed. (Bloomington: Indiana University Press, 2002).
  • Imam Al-Ghazali, The Proper Conduct of Marriage in Islam (Adab an-Nikah): Book 12 of Ihya 'Ulum ad-Din (Ft. Lauderdale, FL: Al-Baz, 1998).
  • Ruqaiyyah Waris Maqsood, The Muslim Marriage Guide (Beltsville, MD: Amana, 2000).
  • Seyyed Hossein Nasr, A Young Muslim's Guide to the Modern World (Chicago: Kazi, 1994).
  • Constance E. Padwick, Muslim Devotions: A Study of Prayer-Manuals in Common Use (Oxford: Oneworld, 1996).
  • Omid Safi, The Politics of Knowledge in Premodern Islam: Negotiating Ideology and Religious Inquiry (Chapel Hill: University of North Carolina Press, 2006).

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